A denial

In the spirit of openness and to counter those nasty rumours flying about, I can unequivocally confirm that:

• I have never met Tommy Sheridan
• I have not used a sunbed in the past 15 years
• I am not the editor of the News of the World
• I haven't been swinging since they took down the rope and tyre in the Castle Grounds
• I can't provide an alibi for Tommy, Gail, Ms Whiplash, Juicy Lucy or the guy in the PVC catsuit and gimp mask
• I have not yet been called as a defence witness or a prosecution witness. Yet.
• I am not now, and never have been, a member of Solidarity or the SSP, far less attended an 'executive' committee meeting in a fancy hotel where cocaine and champagne were served

I do however share a secret addiction to Scrabble, and I look forward to seeing quite how this fits into the almost inevitable and impending prosecution.

Having faced the hostile press on many occasions, I learned how to deal with them. I was often misquoted or misrepresented, and you deal with it and carry on.

In this case, the wasps nest has been well and truly hit with a big stick. And then hit again. And then knocked to the ground and the wasps jumped up and down upon. And then the nest kicked around a bit more, just for the sheer hell of it.

You have to be either squeaky clean or unfeasibly lucky to avoid the aftermath.

I don't think Tommy is either.

Which will make for the most fabulous, enthralling, humiliating, vicious court theatre for many, many, many a long year.

The only question is going to be ... who will play Tommy & Gail in the movie? Peter Hain and Paris Hilton?

Peter "poor adminstration" Hain

Peter Hain (right) has already had a justified kicking in the blogosphere from those even more vitriolic and sweary than I, and totally justified too.

His latest statement (with no questions allowed) is a masterclass in evasion, pomposity, waffle and self-delusion, and proves that the 'great and the good' need to be culled often, painfully and publicly to remind us of the wise words of Voltaire "pour encourager les autres".
In a statement he said the idea he had attempted "to hide anything is absurd".

This from a Minister who is in charge of a vicious campaign to pursue 'benefit cheats' who are guilty until they can prove their innocence. Mr Hain also said the senior civil servant at the Department for Work and Pensions was "satisfied" that none of the donations had breached the ministerial code.

The public are concerned about you rampant stupidity, gross misconduct and general unfittness for public office, not about an irrelevant (for these purposes) ministerial code.

In his statement, delivered to reporters outside his Neath constituency home Mr Hain said that it was after the end of the campaign that "the extent of outstanding debt became apparent to me".

My arse.

Having got the full support from Gordon Brown, I can no only conclude that he is toast as soon as the Commissioner for Standards lambasts him.

However, in true NuLab fashion (learnt from the Major Government) he will hold on for grim death before succumbing to the inevitable, making it an even more painful death for his party, and bringing them further into disrepute.

Last words to Nick Clegg (LibDem leader in case you had forgotten): "From what I've heard I can't really distinguish between what appears to be either utter incompetence in the way his campaign was run, or deliberate obfuscation."

Tommy Sheridan

So the tanned one has been lifted by the polis in connection with their perjury inquiry, after his miraculous libel victory last year.

At the time it struck me that both sides were talking about very different events as the disparity between the stories, the basic facts and even the dates of certain events.

An intriguing and scurrilous story from the News of the World, based either on 'exposing hypocrisy' or 'part of a campaign to oppress the poor' depending on your view point.

Irrespective of all of that, I think that there is much more to come out about massage parlours, extra-parliamentary 'bonding' sessions, and much discussion of the SSP policy on Uganda. It's going to be fun for everyone except Mrs S.

One worry I have about the whole process is a paragraph on the BBC website:-
The talk107 station reported on its website that Mr Sheridan had just finished his Citizen Tommy show and was leaving the building on South Gyle Crescent at about 1310 GMT when a white Mercedes estate pulled into the car park at speed, coming to halt directly in front of his car.

It looks like Inspector McKnacker may have been watching too many episodes of Starsky and McHutch, and may be more concerned with style than substance.

Lothian & Borders Polis maintained
a low profile before arresting Tommy.