The truths they don't want you to read....
Dr Allan, Dr Allan
there's no one like the Doctor
He reads the SNP script out loud
like a tired actor
His powers of vacuity
would make a fecker stare
But when the public want answers
Dr Allan isn't there
You may seek him in the streets
and look up in the air
But at the hint of protest -
the Doctor isn't there
Poor Mr Allan can't make the rally on Saturday due to an unspecified and possibly mythical diary clash.
One can only suspect fear of conflict has filled the diary, as a senior source confirms that there are no official appointments, and Allan had planned to be canvassing with SNP Council candidates this weekend - until the rally was announced.
Never mind.
The semi-literate
content of the letter indicates panic, BS and obfuscation.
I have been in touch with the Transport Minister on behalf of around a dozen of them in recent days to convey their feelings. I am very willing to take up the case of any other company or community affected in the days and moths ahead...
I'm reliable informed that the dozen (or so) hauliers are actually two major hauliers, and a few other small hauliers who have been cold called and whose anger has been expressed, and ignored.
However, the moths seem to be on the same intellectual level...
The tag "A vague attempt at humour" tends to be a give away.
Let me just make it clear that none of
the alleged Labour Council candidates have ever:
- Headbutted comrades in the Strangers Bar of the House of Commons
- Had an affair with a girl 1/3 of their age
- Claimed more than £1m in travel expenses
- Had a father who idolised Hitler
- Been photographed in compromising positions with ladies of the night by the News of the World
- Brought half of Glasgow to tears
- Murdered their nanny
And no-one in their right mind should try to match the list to any people real, dead, imaginary or standing for Council.
One helpful tip to the Labour Party........
If you are going to run some candidates in the election, it does assist the electorate if you make an announcement BEFORE the polls close.
----
I'm just wondering if I should changed the second paragraph to start "To the best of my knowledge...".
I have just been leaked the list of candidates standing for the Labour Party at the Council elections in May
I'm told that they are all held in the highest regard by the selection committee of Pugh, Pugh, Barney MacGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb (Chair).
- Eric Joyce (St Kilda North, excluding the Puff Inn until the leg tag comes off)
- Max Mosley (Point, but planning to get beaten)
- Craig Whyte (South Uist & Barra)
- Lord Lucan (Not disclosed)
.....More to follow
A sad appeal for a missing family pet.
Until recently, it was a strong, upright animal, roaming it's wise-ranging territory and ensuring that all was well in the land.
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| Before |
It looked after women and children and civil servants, and all it ever needed was a small amount of feeding and the occasional pat on the head from its owner.
Just a few years ago it suffered a sad accident, when the original owner was sectioned and the new owner released from his secure accommodation to cause serious harm to the unsuspecting beast.
A series of self-inflicted injuries followed as the once proud animal had a funny turn and started running into walls at full pelt. Repeatedly.
Sightings of the dog ceased in January, although there are wild stories of a possible reappearance before May.
In desperation, the one-time owners would ask that if you see the animal, you take it to the vet to check for any signs of life.
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| After |
The dog answers to the name: "Western Isles Labour Party".
It was with great disappointed that I learned of Alex Salmond's decision not to visit the Western Isles tomorrow (Friday), as the hauliers were keen to explain the impact of the RET decision to him.
Apparently pressing constituency business at 2pm at Doncaster and Lingfield meant he couldn't unveil the plaque at the new media centre, where hauliers had intended to confront him.
In an
exclusive telephone interview today, I asked him if he was prepared to discuss the issue with those affected.
"I'm not coming to Stornoway to be blockaded by some stupid truckers."
At least that sounded like what he said.
It looks like democratic debate is a good thing, but only if you agree with what Salmond says.
Coming back from a weekend away to find the radiator hadn't been fixed and were leaking was slightly disappointing, especially as we tried to explain to the kids that turning on the lights when water was dripping down from the bulb was not a good idea.
I do have to explain that the house has sound proofing between the floors
when which consists of the old ash from the Newton gas works.
It is great for killing the sound, but when it absorbs water it slowly leaches colour and moisture throughout the surfaces.
I can smell a methane like odour from the floors, and the painter will need to hide the slight discolouration.
Between peat, the gas works and the
old paraffin works, Stornoway was virtually self-sufficient in fuel until
Scottish Fuels and the
Scottish Government brought us '
civilisation'.
I'm told that there is a B&B in Uig that has decided not to get
involved in this promotion.
Have we lost our minds? It’s B&B for Three! Yes, you and you and even you at the romantic Windermere Suites in the Lake District.
[...]
What we are saying is your fine self and two other companions would be sharing one room. The three of you. At once.
Do I have to draw you a diagram? I think you know where we are coming from. This is possibly the first time in the British Isles that this kind of behaviour has been actively encouraged.
Just imagine the tourism opportunities in the Western Isles - bed-night rates would increase by 50%, and we wouldn't need that pesky RET on luxuries like food.
I think the Lews Castle Hotel could be redesigned around this concept, and the prices raised accordingly.
Council Economic Development Department - it's over to you.
h/t to J
The new Government
petitions website has a way for us to increase the population, with the added benefit of improving the demographics very significantly.
Roll-up, roll-up and support this sane and sensible plan:
Send rioters to the Outer Hebrides for 5 years
Responsible department: Ministry of Justice
All rioters and looters from the recent troubles in English cities should be banished to the Outer Hebrides for 5 years. This would be much, much, cheaper than keeping them in expensive prisons, saving the taxpayer money. Five years of being forced to live in the Outer Hebrides with none of the comforts of English city living e.g. running water, electricity, decent food, culture and shopping, will put them on the straight and narrow, and frighten them not to riot or loot again. Many local people there look after sheep part-time, so they can earn a small amount of extra money looking after rioters and looters as well.
Out of sight, out of mind. Someone else's problem. Solution found.
It's all very typical of what has caused the problem in the first place - superficial answers that sound good and don't answer the root causes. Indeed, the root causes are to be avoided if there is an easier way to hide the issues; even if the author has his tongue firmly in his cheek.
h/t to j.
Good work by An Cat Dubh, who posted onto their
intial thoughts onto the Leaders Blog....
I am sure that the whole community can only agree with this, yet somehow the comment seem to have disappeared....
Douze points.
With most of the known world desperately trying to access the Leaders Blog using string, tin cans and half charged duracell batteries, the IT department were able to spare some bandwith to allow me to receive the photos that didn't make it onto the blog.
None of these have have their aspect ratios changed in an effort to make The Leader look taller....
(Thanks to Anon Smith for the photos)
My work here is done.
No seriously; I have achieved the unexpected - a spirit of openness and candour inside the Comhairle which many thought was an impossible dream.
I refer, of course, to the
Council Leader's blog - or for my German readers - Der
Rat Führers Blog.
One must cheer to the rafters the unprecedented engagement with the public, and ignore the deathly prose which has suffered much at the hands of Press Officers, lawyers and assorted advisers, as they try to turn a series of press releases into one blog posting.
In out unbridled joy at the new focus on the public, we can only marvel at the ability for some many disparate subjects to be semi-coherently linked into one largely structured document.
It would be churlish to suggest that the spirit of brevity has been lost and that the opportunity to make half a dozen postings has been foregone in favour of a much delayed megapost.
The relationship with the public can only be enhanced by the ability to comment on the posts, and like many others I have been worried that my comments have not appeared, despite the use of multiple disposable email addresses to obtain passwords. It is unclear if the author of the blog is actually monitoring comments, or if this has been left to Cllr Campbell.
However, if like me you have not seen your comments appear on the Leaders blog, then you may wish to copy them here, just so that the Comhairle is kept fully informed of the public mood, and in case any comments are lost due to 'technical problems'.
Presumably, the remaining 30 Councillors will also get full officer support to put their election addresses public positions on record.
The title of this post is facetious.
I have been sent a copy of the top secret submission by the Council to the Audit Commission demonstrating it's good practices.
This presentation is to be the subject of a three day seminar to members.....
Pulling together
Thanks to the assistant depute to the depute assistant manager in the Sideways-Looking Navel-Gazing Team for the leak.
We need thirty-two nominees to carry the Olympic Flame.
I suggest the 31 Councillors and the MSP to run at high speed until they spontaneously combust.
Any other nominations???
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| Not the candidate |
Donald Trump has just announced that he is not going to stand in 2012.
It is understood that his wig has had a long term relationship with Dominique Strauss-Khan and is now considered a flight risk.
The hairpiece planned to sponsor a sheep shearing contest in Lewis this summer, but with Trump suffering from Foot in Mouth disease, and the toupee unable to produce a long-form manufacturing certificate from WotWig Mfg of Shanghai,
"Outrageous hairpieces for the discerningly vain".
The Trump is now planning a casino and 1,400 room executive hotel next to Tong International Airport.
The Sheriff in Maricopa County takes a rather robust approach to law enforcement, and his past record includes making convicts wear pink underwear and listen to classical music in an effort to reduce the recidivism rate.
And
have a look at the talented bunch of arrestees that he has to work with.
The website may very well say that they are all innocent until proven guilty, but there are some in the line up that you just can't help have a gut feeling about.
And I was given the following choices....
Presumably the welcome screen invites to you "Have a Guinness while you are waiting for the program to load".
It is deeply, deeply, reassuring to know that the Scottish Government is ready to help
Scots trapped in the Libyan crisis.
I didn't realise that we still had any Libyan prisoners left to
give away trade.
Perhaps Salmond plans to send a CalMac ferry to rescue those trapped. A minimum RET charge will apply, at a rate of £100 per mile plus £40 per foot of luggage. Assuming the Muirneag can manage to pass the Arnish lighthouse by July, without turning back.
Rumour has it that retired helicopter winchman, Chris Murray, has been recruited by a crack team of the SSAS (Scottish SAS) under the direction of the First Minister to fly in supplies to trapped Scots. He will be dropping haggis, Barley's marags, guga casserole and Irn Bru from a black ops helicopter. The supplies have been chosen to stop the *nglish trying to steal the supplies, although rogue Welsh elements have threatened to eat Chris and the helicopter.
Practice runs are taking place over the
Saharan dunes at Luskentyre as we speak...
As the new schools near completion, the Comhairle has an open day for parents, teachers and pupils to show them the new classrooms.
A spokesman later brushed aside complaints saying that it was as a result of "A breakdown in communications resulting in the contractor - Kennels & Cages plc - misreading the plans."
He later whinged that "It is not fair to blame the Council for work we designed, commissioned, supervised and approved, when clearly we have our heads up our backsides."
