Even better, he seems to stalk me around Tesco. Such are the delights of the new supermarket.
A recent Saturday morning, two gentlemen from the parish of Point were in Tesco when they espied a strange looking man walking suspiciously up and down the aisles, whilst not actually going anywhere.
He looked vaguely familiar to them, and they were pretty sure it wasn't from the Star or the Crit, or not even from the Rangers Club. But he looked so anonymous and unprepossessing that he seemed to blend in with the floor tiles and the bags of cat litter.
A look in his basket in an attempt to divine his identity revealed a bottle of red wine; 1/4lb of sliced ham with the teddy bear face; a bag of frozen peas; and, a tin of Postman Pat spaghetti. No clues there.
By now most of the shoppers were watching this strange performance, as the young man wandered lonely as a cloud, talking to no-one, recognised by no-one, avoiding the tills. Was he a shoplifter trying to steal a sherbet dib-dab? Was this 'care in the community' gone wrong?
The two Ruadhachs took their bottle of Malibu, and two straws, to the check-out and watched my family and I push our trolley out the door. At which point the strange man ran to the 10 items or less till.
They gave me a photofit description of my stalker but no-one recognises him....