Stalker
It's official, I have now got my own stalker.
Even better, he seems to stalk me around Tesco. Such are the delights of the new supermarket.
A recent Saturday morning, two gentlemen from the parish of Point were in Tesco when they espied a strange looking man walking suspiciously up and down the aisles, whilst not actually going anywhere.
He looked vaguely familiar to them, and they were pretty sure it wasn't from the Star or the Crit, or not even from the Rangers Club. But he looked so anonymous and unprepossessing that he seemed to blend in with the floor tiles and the bags of cat litter.
A look in his basket in an attempt to divine his identity revealed a bottle of red wine; 1/4lb of sliced ham with the teddy bear face; a bag of frozen peas; and, a tin of Postman Pat spaghetti. No clues there.
By now most of the shoppers were watching this strange performance, as the young man wandered lonely as a cloud, talking to no-one, recognised by no-one, avoiding the tills. Was he a shoplifter trying to steal a sherbet dib-dab? Was this 'care in the community' gone wrong?
The two Ruadhachs took their bottle of Malibu, and two straws, to the check-out and watched my family and I push our trolley out the door. At which point the strange man ran to the 10 items or less till.
They gave me a photofit description of my stalker but no-one recognises him....
Even better, he seems to stalk me around Tesco. Such are the delights of the new supermarket.
A recent Saturday morning, two gentlemen from the parish of Point were in Tesco when they espied a strange looking man walking suspiciously up and down the aisles, whilst not actually going anywhere.
He looked vaguely familiar to them, and they were pretty sure it wasn't from the Star or the Crit, or not even from the Rangers Club. But he looked so anonymous and unprepossessing that he seemed to blend in with the floor tiles and the bags of cat litter.
A look in his basket in an attempt to divine his identity revealed a bottle of red wine; 1/4lb of sliced ham with the teddy bear face; a bag of frozen peas; and, a tin of Postman Pat spaghetti. No clues there.
By now most of the shoppers were watching this strange performance, as the young man wandered lonely as a cloud, talking to no-one, recognised by no-one, avoiding the tills. Was he a shoplifter trying to steal a sherbet dib-dab? Was this 'care in the community' gone wrong?
The two Ruadhachs took their bottle of Malibu, and two straws, to the check-out and watched my family and I push our trolley out the door. At which point the strange man ran to the 10 items or less till.
They gave me a photofit description of my stalker but no-one recognises him....
10 comments:
Sounds to me like the "Ruadhachs" were the stalkers?
I would be worried if I was you Angus. Check this link out.
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/article5461005.ece
So, you're being stalked by this man and yet it needed two "Ruadhachs" (sic) to tell you this. He's obviously quite good. Do you think it might be your psychiatrist, checking you're okay at ths time of the full moon?
It might be Big Dan - he's always in Tesco (when he's not in the Co-op or on Gargoyle MacIver's radio programme.
anon12:37 odd you assume ang. is lying, mistaken and/or in need of a psychiatrist, oh and also needed two ruadhachs to point him out - you sure it isn't you? LS
Hi, it's 12.37 again.
Well, 3.02, the short answer to that is I ain't assuming anything about Angus - I know which of the 3 possibilities you name are most likely. Poor Angus doesn't need a stalker - every banal detail of his life is a matter of public record.
Angus, this one is not for publishing it's a message to you as I don't now how else to contact you.
Did you get a yellow sheet of paper with your council tax bill?
If so have you tried to register?
Only half the email address is there and when you add .gov.uk it still doesn't get through.
just thought you might like to use it.
I have the yellow page... hilarious. Simple mistake but would you trust a council to e-bill you properly when it can't even get its own email address right?
Trust and(our)Council are words that should not be out into the same sentence!
Let's hope he doesn't go on to Twitter! As they say, "Join for the stalking, stay for the conversation!"
"He that studieth revenge keeps his wounds green."
Francis Bacon.
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