Cost cutting

I have just been passed the secret list of budget cuts to be introduced by the Comhairle with effect from tomorrow, and implemented without the opportunity for discussion, debate or decision by the Councillors. I hope that the outrageous nature of the cuts will encourage the Councillors to take control of the budget and demand the immediate reversal of all these cuts.

• The Registrars in Barra and Uist are to be closed, and all weddings will take place by video conference from Stornoway. A menu system will allow the selection of religious, secular or humanist wedding and the type of blessing.
• Civil partnerships will continue to be dealt with by the Rockall outreach office - personal applicants only.
• The new causeways in Uist to be single direction only. North to South on Monday, Wednesday and Friday; South to North on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. No travel on Sunday, except unrestricted Church travel - by order of the Free Church.
• 100% rates relief extended to windfarms, but removed from MWT from organisations.
• Nicolson Institute to be bulldozed in 2010 and rebuilt on a Greenfield site on the new Ness-Tolsta Road, and renamed the Amec/RSPB Institute. All secondary schools to be closed and pupils to live in a new accommodation block sleeping 1,000.
• Former school sites to be sold off to windfarm developers and the proceeds reinvested into paying for single status.
• The number of Councillors to be reduced by 95% after the next election, leaving only two wards: Newton and Carloway. All other votes will be on the STV basis – that is to say, the election will be decided on the basis of which Councillor appears on STV most.
• Capital projects to be delivered on time and on budget by Council departments (this is a blue-sky saving, and unlikely to happen)
• Social work to work within budget.
• In order to improve efficiency, all council documents are to be made available promptly on the web to the public and for internal use.
• In order to reduce pension costs, all Council officers approaching retirement are to be offered an early euthanasia package, or relocation to the Rockall branch and Post Office (opening hours Monday to Saturday when waves below 40m. Sundays - washed away.)
• Underperforming staff to be transferred in threes to the Flannan Isles outreach centre – disappearance allowance included.

I hope all the public will phone the Council on Tuesday to complain vociferously about these ridiculous proposals.

Lost luggage

A senior EU official (is there any other sort? At least in their own minds) has complained to David Miliband about losing his luggage in Terminal 5.

With all due respect to which pompous prick has had the temerity to assume that the Foreign Minister is also the Minister for Luggage, and to assume that talking to the Minister will somehow speed up finding his suitcase full of Danish porn, excessive amounts of booze and fags dressed up as ‘diplomatic traffic’, and blank expense claims printed on gold lined paper.

However it is, please name and shame the self-important tosser and whatever tart he was in the country to shag, and give him the full rubber-glove treatment, broadcast live on the Nine O’Clock news with highlights on the News at Ten, Newsnight and YouTube. Then take the Prime Minister of the responsible country and give him the same treatment, just because he appointed this idiot.

Windfarm decision

According to the Gazette it is due in days.

Good.

According to our MSP, “the options open to the Minister were to accept an amendment to the application which would be 'a reasonably unusual situation' or to approve or reject it in its entirety” which indicates he is out of the loop.

My feeling is that it will be for approval of a reduced number of turbines, exclusively on Stornoway Trust land, and with some further conditions.

This – of course – would be as a result of the questions and opinions passed to him by the Comhairle in the list of proposed conditions to which we gave our support.

No sign of the ludicrous, illegal, and ill-thought out “time limited Public Inquiry” touted by our MP before the last election; mainly due to the fact it wasn’t possible. Which he was repeatedly told and duly ignored. Never mind, thankfully it is never going to happen, and he will know better now.

Tescopoly

So the Western Isles have finally succumbed to the relentless march of Tesco.

Good or bad for the islands?

Good: more choice; better quality; will move the options up market; likely to expand the site due the wider range they will offer; will keep the Co-op on their toes.

Bad: will further destroy the few independent shops in Stornoway; likely to expand the site due the wider range they will offer; we will be just another identikit town.

On balance good, but only because the damage to the local shops was done when the Co-op got planning permission for the first superstore. After that the inevitable series of events took their course.

The earnestness of self-importance

Having access to newspapers not of this parish, it has been interesting to contrast and compare the relative importance of certain news stories.

For example, the Unionist walked straight into a Salmond trap this week with their unintelligent contribution to the debate on the governance of Scotland. Not that the “National Conversation” of the SNP is particularly intelligent, but smartly it has set the tone for the debate. Unfortunately, the tone is antagonistic, repetitive, insulting, shallow and downright boring, but it has the modest virtue of being the first on the scene.

In wade Alexander, Nicol and Goldie with a surprise attack that has been signalled for months, in detail, and without any great thought on the matter. Salmond is ready and offers a STV referendum on whatever terms ANG want.

“That isnae fair!”, they scream. Then realise the trap they have walked into. At this rate the SNP won’t need to campaign at the next Scottish elections.

However, having limited access to the newspaper of record (The Stornoway Gazette>), I have had to make do with various items of the international press on which to base my assessment of the above story.

My conclusions are (starting with the most parochial)

• Stornoway Gazette: lead story – Ferry not running
• Scottish broadsheets: Hugely significant and important
• Scottish redtops: page 4. Page 1 features some half-naked bird from a soap opera
• Scottish editions of English papers: page 14. Page 1 – train fares into Waterloo increased dramatically
• English newspapers: absent. Lead story house prices to plummet/Buy to let landlords committing suicide by the million/Soap star slept with non-entity
• European press: being a monoglot, I’m not really sure. I could find any words that gave me any clue
• American press: where is England? Lead story “Talahasee resident plans to go abroad – US not invading anywhere today”

Reviewing the availability of the press and the coverage they give has certainly cast a new light on everything, not least the seemingly unavoidable availability of OK and Hello magazines and a whole series of brain-draining celebrity-obsessed identikit women’s publications, whose sole purpose seems to be to reduce everything to diets, clothes and a passing acquaintance with ‘fame’.

Peru - we buy their cocaine. They send us .....

A beautiful journey from there to here was improved by five minutes of relaxing and refreshing pan pipe music from the Andes.

After six minutes, “I will always love you” segued into “Bleeding love” with all the grace and elegance of a multi-amputee millipede changing from the Dashing White Sergeant to the Military Two-Step. Mid tune. As my eardrums were assailed by the greatest (sic) hits (sic) of the past year transferred to the pan pipes by some tone deaf session players working for a major label cashing in on the triumph of the banal, I realised that somebody, somewhere, was making a killing from “Now that what I call music of the Andes (Vol 67)”. This truly is a crime against humanity.

Sadly, the pensioners and incontinent seemed to be humming along. Which clearly indicated the target market.

After 30 minutes, that seemed like a life time, I felt like Michael Caine in the Ipcress Files, and was ready to confess my sins and trade any secret for the blissful relief of local radio (“Outer Hebrides Broadcasting Corporation – Caaalling civilisaaation”). It took several large drinks to restore my senses. And some more to face the papers.

Away

I found myself unexpectedly off the islands, and away in a far-off land in which little or nothing is known about the islands. No, not Inverness, but much further. Beyond Perth and into the region marked in the Stornoway Gazette official map of Lewis and Scotland as “Here be dragons.”

After a champagne breakfast – the champagne was very nice, but the breakfast was dogfood – I realised that I was in a place where the internet facilities were limited, and it actually involved me making an effort in order to stay in touch. That was obviously too much of an effort, so I resolved to try to live without the internet and to use the TV and the newspapers to keep a track of what was going on. I’ve decided to date the posts when I write them, not when I post them, hence any delays.

This will continue for a few days, and I have decided to replace prompt posting with a more discerning and scathing approach.

CalMac defers seven-day sailings decision

News release from CalMac:

Ferry operator Caledonian MacBrayne has today (March 26, 2008) noted representations from individuals and businesses in Lewis, Harris and beyond, about seven-day sailings to and from Lewis and Harris.

The issue was raised by Chairman Peter Timms at the start of today’s Board Meeting in Gourock. The meeting agreed that there would be no further discussion of the issue pending continuing examination of the Scottish Government’s current RET pilot study.

CalMac Chairman Peter Timms said: “There are many complex issues involved, including fuel costs. The current study being undertaken into the RET pilot scheme for the Western Isles does not allow us to make a final decision before the study findings are progressed and the implications of the study have been considered. “

CalMac will continue to monitor the situation with regard to requests and the ongoing preparations for the RET Pilot Study. The next Board Meeting is due to take place in Skye in May. It is unlikely that the preparatory work for the introduction of the RET pilot will be completed by then.

CalMac will be making no further comments on seven-day sailings other than the contents of this news release.

All individual correspondents who have made representations on the issue will receive this clarification of the company’s position.

Meteorite stike in Ullapool

The largest ever meteorite strike in the UK appears to have been found, and the site is near Ullapool.

Admittedly, it does appear to have happened 1.2bn years ago, and brought massive destruction, but it can only have improved the quality of life for the inhabitants of the area.

(Insert own joke here)

The joy of blogging

One of the few downsides to being in the public domain, and inviting comment, is that you attract the nutters, wierdos and those with a huge axe to grind, who often try to subvert the blog.

Just yesterday, a friend let me know that I had received some repeated adverse comment on a "Rate-this-site" site, and that it looked like someone was having a go.

As Silversprite has said, the comment pages are not for the faint hearted, and I deliberately encourage and permit 'vigorous debate' i.e. general abuse, to be cast at all and sundry, in a constructive manner.

A quick scan at the log files indicated that in the space of a couple of hours the same group of IP addresses had logged on to the blog, jumped straight through to the rating site, and not returned. Strange, but it got more interesting when the IP addresses resolved to a very large and prominent public sector organisation, which does not have 'public' computers.

A quick search on the particular computers concerned confirmed that all the machines had visited the blog on numerous occasions previously.

Where it got really, really, interesting was that these civil servants had been posting comments anonymously. Not just defending their employers, but actively criticising others who were questioning Government actions and policies.

And then: it looks like these computers are responsible for a series of very offensive, and I believe wholly untrue, comments on the Labour candidate in the Western Isles, which I feel sure exceeds by a very large margin their permitted political activity as civil servants.

I have retained the IP logs, in case of anyone disputing these facts, and with two sets of logs giving the same information, I'm very happy that what I say is absolutely correct.

The world didn't end....

Due to disruption caused by bad weather, the Isle of Lewis sailed on Sunday carrying - according to The Herald - 8 artics to Ullapool and 11 back, plus a car.

And with the impact of RET to be discussed on Wednesday at the Board Meeting, a lively debate is forecast.

As I have long prophesied - and it really didn't take much brains to work this out - if RET reduces fares and increases traffic, then what do you do when the ferry is already virtually full?

Of course, you build a bigger and better ferry - except that the Government won't even consider this until the pilot is over in three years time. Which leaves Sunday sailings as the only option, which will be approved by the Government, to prove that its policy can and will work.

It's a rough old game, football

An animal welfare charity has condemned an incident in which a lamb's leg was thrown onto the pitch during trouble at a football game at the weekend.

The leg was one of several missiles thrown after a match between Ballymena United and Distillery on Saturday.

A USPCA spokesman said it "demonstrated general disregard for animal welfare".

"It also follows a recent incident in which a horse's head was left outside the home of a hockey player in Cookstown," he added.

Irish Football Association chief executive Howard Wells said there would be a "full investigation" into the trouble at Ballymena Showgrounds.

The referee needed a police escort off the field, while the two managers had to be kept apart.

Players were also involved in jostling after the whistle was blown on a 2-2 draw.

In addition to the lamb's leg, a chair and at least one bottle were thrown onto the pitch.

Be careful what you wish for

A report in the Times (Scottish edition only, and sadly not on line), says that a senior Labour figure has called on Henry McLeish to defect to the SNP, after his comments apparently advocating some SNP policies.

The Telegraph carries a virtually identical story written by Alan Cochrane, the well known Tory commentator, who talks about "my many friends in the Scottish National Party".

Anyway, as the title of this post suggests, I'm not sure who would benefit and who would lose from such a defection.

MSPs and booze

Further to my previous post, let's start the New Puritanism of the anti-booze crusade by starting a bit closer to home.

Indeed, let's start right at home.

Start by closing the (subsidised?) bars in the Scottish Parliament.

Then to set an example to the rest of us, all MSPs will have a breathalyser unit built into the desk, so before they can vote they need to provide a sample. Unless they are under the limit they don't get to vote.

Any MSPs who fail the test are to be publicly 'named and shamed' and suspended without pay for a week.

Not hard to set an example is it? What are you waiting for?

A typical back bench MSP

Update 11:04. And connect the breathalyser to a lie detector unit and on to an electric chair.

A coherent policy on booze?

The Scottish Government is somewhat schizophrenic about it's policy towards alcoholic drink.

Many (most?) politicians seem to want to have nothing to do with drink in any shape or form, and it is hard to imagine any of the current Scottish Government standing in a bar having a pint, and damn few seem easy to imagine sitting with a nice glass of wine in hand. I know some do drink, as I have seen them gently sipping from a long-nursed glass of warm white wine at various receptions.

Nevertheless, the abstention seem to be the new code, and mixed in with a pathetic dose of "new laws for old problems", it is being forced down our throats.

Responding to a BBC report that the drinking age in Scotland may be raised to 21, the Health Minister Shona Robinson ....

said nothing had yet been ruled in or out of the government's attempt to curb problem drinking.

She added: "We all know that Scotland as a nation has a drink problem and the implications of this are very serious - not least for our health."

Scotland also has a major problem with heart attacks, so are chipshops set to be banned?

Whilst in October, Proposals to lower the voting age to 16 have been unanimously backed at the SNP annual conference.

So in the brave new Scotland you can get a driving licence, get married, join the amry and fight and die in Iraq, have children, become a Councillor or even an MP, but not have a half of lager after a hard week at work until you are 21.

There are exceptions to the general rule about booze being bad.

A fortnight ago Holyrood debated the whisky duty rise, with Alex Salmond, the First Minister, warning that the Budget would "damage Scotland's economic interests".

So are these 'economic interests' more important than the health impacts, or has whisky got no adverse effects on health?

The solution that Ms Robison is thrashing about searching for is to use the existing licensing legislation to take action on public houses (and supermarkets) who serve under-agers or those who are obviously drunk, and to get the Police to use their powers to clamp down on those who are 'drunk and disorderly'. Perhaps the extra Police on the beat who were promised in the Manifesto would have been able to deal with these problems.

I has been one of the defining features of a Government in trouble to deal with an issue that the knee-jerk reaction is to add yet more ill-thought out legislation to the statute book, rather than attempt to develop and deliver a coherent policy using existing powers.

Let's start with the basics: is all booze bad? And then build a policy from that simple principle.

Qinetiq

With a meeting currently in progress at the Qinetiq range in Balivanich, bad news about the future of the range is expected by the entire community.

This seems to have happened at short notice, and without any announcement, but is going like wildfire through the community.

Kallin Harbour and RET

The current expansion of Kallin Harbour in Grimsay is a masterpiece of innovative engineering, an grossly overdue, as the photo demonstrates.

It involved lowering preformed concrete boxes into the gap between islands to provide expanded harbour facilities for commercial and leisure craft. Having a number of clients who use the harbour, I know how grateful they are for the work continuing.

And continue it did, after a new funding decision by the Comhairle that is unbelievably complex, Byzantine, and far from the best for the Council as a whole.

Let me explain; and this gets tricky.

Due to the seabed not being quite as expected/surveyed (and there may be another story there), additional costs were forecast. The meeting was held in private so that the Contractors didn't know the budget that was being set, but if they were worth their (sea-)salt then they should know the exact cost of £500k anyway.

The money that should have been available was to come from the Hi-Trans budgets, but the Government have moved the capital elements from a central pot to the individual councils, with the Comhairle getting a £1m windfall/reallocation that has to be spent on Hi-Trans type projects from the Public Transport Budget.

Rather than committing this to Kallin, this £1m has been taken to central funds, and the money has had to be found elsewhere.

'Prudential Borrowing' was the answer. You might know it as HP. Or as the failed and discredited PFI scheme.

It involves funding an otherwise unaffordable capital project on the never-never, by using the savings that the capital expenditure generates to service the borrowings. This was called 'Spend to Save' and was a pragmatic way of encouraging a business like approach to the Public Sector.

Was. Now it is a mechanism to fund the unfundable by forcing savings elsewhere to pay the debt.

It has moved from
* Buy an old car using the savings on bus fares, to
* Build an extension on the house on credit cards, with the hope that you can cut your spending

The funding for this Prudential (sic) scheme is coming from the increased revenue at Lochmaddy Pier as a result of the increased traffic that RET will generate. And any shortfall from a £5 on the 3:15 at Cheltenham, no doubt.

To fund borrowing from a known income stream is sensible enough. To fund it from an unknown source on the back of a newly introduced policy whose impact we do not yet know seems a risk far too far.

Three questions:

• How will the work be funded until RET kicks in in October?
• If there is that much extra traffic travelling through Lochmaddy, how will the necessary repairs to that pier be funded?
• Do the Government expect RET to be used to fund other capital projects, or to improve the travel experience for all passengers?

Over-55s 'causing holiday havoc'

Now the State is nannying the Old Age Pensioners, in perhaps one of the most bizarre exercises in information gathering and dissemination that I have seen in quite some time. And that is saying something.

In perhaps one of the grossest overstatements possible, an alleged Foreign Office Minister - allegedly called Meg Munn - but who I suspect is a composite name for the Press Office, declaimed....

Older British holidaymakers are causing the sort of trouble normally associated with the younger generation.

Setting aside the kind of arse-flashing, all-night partying, drinking and fighting culture that is all too prevalent in Falaraki-by-the-Sea, I assume Meg is referring to an unexpected spate of bed-hopping, drug-taking and drunken hair-braiding between games of bridge, which has become such a feature of a over 50's holiday in Maderia.

According to detailed research, an arduous task undertaken by some gap year student in the sun,

more than half of older holidaymakers drink more alcohol abroad than they would in the UK.

And the other half were too drunk to answer such a stupid question.

However, the truth of the problem was put into perspective by the Vice-Consul in Rhodes (presumable in charge of all the elderly vice going on)

"Most problems we see with the older generation of Brits arise from over-consumption of alcohol and food."

So, don't worry about being stabbed with a knitting needle by some toothless pensioner when your drug deal goes wrong, or in a fight in the queue for the hang-glider; it looks like the bad behaviour is restricted to long liquid lunches.

Everyone is equal before the law.

Which must come as a surprise to Nicholas "Fatty" Soames, who has just had his collar felt for driving a quad bike on the roads without insurance or crash helmets, and with children sitting unrestrained in the trailer he was towing.



Nicholas Soames, the grandson of Winston Churchill, is a famous gastronome and bon viveur, and has been unfairly compared to Mr Creosote.



Having risen with little trace, a former girlfriend once famously stated that "Making love with Nick was like have a double wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock."

Hansard

As well as being a good source for determining what an MP did - or did not - actually say during a debate, sometimes the official record shines a light on other matters.

Consider this exchange on the budget debate:-

Mr. MacNeil rose—

Mr. Meacher: The hon. Gentleman came into the Chamber in the middle of the debate, and he keeps popping up, presumably to assure Hansard of his presence. I will give way to him, but perhaps he should have come in earlier and made his own contribution instead of 10 interruptions.