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The truths they don't want you to read....

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Cat welfare

It is good to know that the Scottish Government have launched an all important "Consultation on the Draft Cat Welfare Code of Practice".

No, seriously, this is important stuff.

I do look forward to this appearing on the Comhairle Agendas, as it will have to do, so that the Councillors can consider this in detail and ensure that they are aware of such important matters, such as....
    Your cat should have plenty of things to stimulate it mentally
Which I don't think means a good library or an Xbox. (Explanation for Councillors - an Xbox is a on-line gaming system using Blu-ray disks)
    You may wish to consider whether it would be safer to keep cats indoors at night, when outdoor risks to their health and welfare could be greater. However, cats can be active at night and restricting them in this way may cause them stress.
Which means that whatever you do it is wrong, and they can prosecute you.
    Your cat should not be too fat or too thin
The ability to state the bloody obvious hasn't been lost by the Civil Servants. Presumably, there will be slimming classes available for fat cats and guidance on diet?
    You should make sure that your cat eats regularly and has fresh water available at all times
Look, I was just joking. Is there anyone out there who is going to read that and say "Oh! So that's what I am doing wrong!"
    Your cat should have somewhere suitable to toilet
How the hell do they flush the toilet? Do they need a bidet and shower? Should I provide a sauna or a steam room?

There are 37 (yes, count them!) pages of this magnificent waste of time and paper. Complemented only by the 42 pages of Consultation on the draft dog welfare code of practice, which has a different but overlapping set of consultees and will be the next item on the Committee agenda. As for the Consultation on draft goldfish welfare code of practice....

You really cannot make it up.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't knock this too much Angus, there are some politicians out there who take this subject very seriously. They can sometimes feel quite Korky, and dress up in pink leotards crawling about on their knees looking for feet to kiss. They even grow their own whiskers as well!

Anonymous said...

in short... some people really are that stupid!

Anonymous said...

remember the country cats- insist that this is translated into Gaelic (Lewis), gaelic (Harris), gaelic (Southern Isles), gaelic (rest of the civilised world) and Urdu, and throw in Welsh for any visitors

Anonymous said...

I never realised I was so cruel to my cats. They never get pampered in the way recommended.

Anonymous said...

Doh! You've misread it - it's "councillor", not "cat". See:

Your councillor should have plenty of things to stimulate it mentally.

Tick. Planning applications for huge quarries. Planning applications for huge windfarms.

You may wish to consider whether it would be safer to keep councillors indoors at night, when outdoor risks to their health and welfare could be greater.

Tick. Yes, let outdoors he may wander off to the "All you can eat" evening buffet at the local cafe. Unwise.

However, councillors can be active at night and restricting them in this way may cause them stress.

Tick. If my councillor misses a community council meeting, and the opportunity to warble on for several hours to a captive audience, he gets very twitchy.

Your cat should not be too fat or too thin.

Cross. Oh dear.

You should make sure that your cat eats regularly

Tick. Very obviously okay in that department.

...and has fresh water available at all times.

Tick. Water of life; very obviously again.

Your cat should have somewhere suitable to toilet.

Tick. I think he muttered about a desire to defecate over our MSP on a regular basis (though he used different wording), so I think that's sorted.

Anonymous said...

Ah, I see you too have had the traumatic experience of arriving at the "all you can eat" buffet unfortunately shortly after Councillor Archie Campbell has ripped through it, like a tornado tearing through a Tennessee trailer park. You do have to admire how much the guy can pack away.