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The truths they don't want you to read....

Friday, February 22, 2008

Stornoway Gazette

We are laughing with the paper, not at it this time.

The paper due yesterday was delivered to the islands today, due to the weather. Most people read the paper very carefully over the weekend to be able to absorb all the detailed political and social analysis; in depth evaluations of the latest press releases; the investigative recipes column; births, deaths and marriages; and the pernicious gossip masquerading as Court reports.

But the best bit it always the adverts, as this week's paper demonstrates on page 20. Firstly under public notices (this is an exact transcript):
    The Lewis and Harris Branch of the SNP
    Will be holding their AGM on Friday February 22, 2008 in the Willows (sic) suite of the Cabarfeidh hotel (sic). All members welcome.
I think it might have started by now, but if you hurry you will be able report back to me the detail of what happened*. New members (with or without psychic abilities to foretell the time of meetings, are obviously not welcome.)

Just below this is:-
    Election Notices
    AGM Taigh D
Presumably, this happens after the SNP AGM and before the Clairvoyants AGM, which obviously doesn't need to be advertised.

* Full report on proceedings to follow.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Presumably it may have occurred to you that members would probably have already been notified of the meeting anyway? It's hardly the stuff of great political satire you bitter and twisted fraud.

Nat King McCool said...

Quite a presumption to assume the Gazette didnt make the mistake. Maybe you are the Clairvoyant?

But even so, Im sure the SNP AGM will be, was, has been, depending on the time a very exciting one with an MP and MSP presesnt for the first time.

When you learn that a few councillors, the Stornoway Trust and a remaining rabble of Labour snippers on Isles FM do not the electorate make you are going to be so dissapointed.

Alasdair Allan in particular may I say has been working away quietly in the background despite the constant campaigns of some including your good self to discredit him and he will win the next election by an even bigger majority due to the high regard and many friends he is making on the island since being elected in May. Quite frankly all I hear about him outside this blog is good. Very good.

So if your not going to insist on making a fool of yourself by quite clearly trying to discredit a popular person, a person who rose above all this last may and will do so again, at least make it look as if you dont have an axe to grind and youll get much more respect. Back.

Alan Masterton said...

Well it doesn't matter what you say as we all had a lovely time. There was me (Alan), Rhona who took contemporaneous notes whilst sitting next to Mr Angus, Mr Angus himself who sat between all the female members to show his support for all matters womanly. And you mustn't forget Doctor Allan who with his hair counted for at least two people particularly as the lightning bolt earlier had given him a bigger quiff than usual.
We finished the evening with a rendition of God Save Alex Salmond, a chocolate miniature (my tia maria was fantastic) and a burning effergy of a windtower. Catriona Campbell from MWT made such a moving speech which was delivered in a solid monitone by one of the members as Catriona was far too busy to attend the meeting. The highlight was that Voldemort wasn't there, but that's why Donnie made sure that no time was printed in the Gazette just to confuse him. It was resolved at the meeting that Councillor Manford will be renamed as Snape and Annie Macdonald will henceforth be known as Malfoy and that when available the Gaelic translations of these names will be applied appropriately.

eyoop! said...

"Most people read the paper very carefully over the weekend to be able to absorb all the detailed political and social analysis; in depth evaluations of the latest press releases; the investigative recipes column; births, deaths and marriages; and the pernicious gossip masquerading as Court reports."

I notice you didn't mention the Letters page...

Anonymous said...

The only absorbing thing about the Gazette is its alternative use as an Andrex replacement.

Anonymous said...

anon 7:10 pm I certainly wasn't LS