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The truths they don't want you to read....

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Parking in Stornoway

In an effort to improve parking facilities in Stornoway the Comhairle are proposing a new traffic management scheme. However, the root cause of the problem is clear, as explained by Cllr Keith Dodson:
    Bearing in mind several decades ago it was dad who had the car, now mum has her own car and in some cases so do other members of the family.

    [...]

    I agree with Church Street being one-way as many a time a vehicle has to give way to another by mounting the pavement and especially the lower part of Church Street where vehicles mount the pavement in order to pass parked vehicles, which can be dangerous to customers leaving the chip shop or mum with a pram.
Obviously the solution is to prevent mum from driving, as they have so successfully done in Saudi Arabia, as this will clearly remove the key cause of traffic congestion.

Dads pushing the pram and exiting the chip shop in the lower part of Church Street clearly deserve all they get, as they are part of the dangerous anarchist tendency who believe that women have the same status as men.

11 comments:

eyoop! said...

Dodson. Bless.

Anonymous said...

they will be especially wide coming out of the chip shop and should surely be wearing "wide load" labels before they attempt to entire the highway

Anonymous said...

How about someone doing an FOI to find out how mant tickets our traffic wardens have ever given out.

I have never seen a ticket on a car, and dont know anyone who has had one.

Enforcement is the key. If they did their job the issue would be eased.

Anonymous said...

You should have declared an interest Angus old bean!

Anonymous said...

Anon 8:55

They save their energy for the summer and hit the tourists.

Anonymous said...

Do they?

How many have they ever slapped on windscreens? The question does need to be asked.

Anonymous said...

I've got a parking ticket for having two front wheels on the disabled area on Francis Street when I took my baby son to the doctors with severe asthma.

Anonymous said...

Yes they do slap tickets on windows. I got two in the same week! The new plan for Stornoway parking with double yellows everywhere is going to be a hoot! Has anyone done an economic impact assessment on the closure of most of the town shops?

Captain Swing said...

If you don't want to get a ticket don't park where you are not supposed to, simple really.

In order to help maintain the prosperity of the town centre, I give the following advice.

Shoppers who arrive by car should find a place to park somewhere on the outskirts of town, Co-op or even Somerfields car parks will suffice. You stop the engine take the key out of the ignition get out of the vehicle and close the door. Once you are familiar with standing on your own two feet, and this can be quite scary for novices, you tentatively place the left leg (right leg if you are that way inclined) slighlty in front of the right leg leaning forward as you do so, with the momentum that this generates you will find it easy to swing the trailing leg (the right one in this scenario) to a position in front of the left one, repeat this process, you have now mastered the art of WALKING. With practice you will soon become very good at this.

One benefit from those who are able to 'walk' these very short distances (and lets face it Stornoway can just about be fitted on a postage stamp geographically speaking) will be to free up space in the town centre for those who genuinely do need to park near to shops

Shoppers who arrive by Bus already now how to walk. Perhaps some of them could be asked to help those less fortunated than themselves i.e. the poor car drivers who can't walk, just how they manage to walk, carry shopping, maybe talk to friends, all at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Hehehe. Look out Cpt. Swing, you might just start a revolution and have people actually start meeting each other again.

Anonymous said...

Angus, are you sure Cptn Swing isn't Henry Root, back from the dead?