Right of reply
I thought for once that I had to post a comment on this blog as it so deeply affects me.
I am Mrs N, the second wife of Angus and mother of 3 of his children the eldest of which is 5. Even though we have such a young family, our daughter having just turned 1, I have had 3 weeks total “maternity leave” with the last two children and 10 months with the first. The only reason I had so long with our eldest is because he was born with a potentially fatal heart defect which required open heart surgery when he was just 8 weeks old. He has recovered wonderfully well and anyone who knows him would never believe what a difficult start he had in life.
Last Friday afternoon, I came into the office and found my husband, Angus, extremely upset. He had just received a telephone call from a journalist (the same one who was trying to stir trouble regarding his blog about a gay politician – could there be a link?) to say that he had received a call from Angus’ ex wife saying that he owed £52,000 to the CSA and had “not bothered” to see his sick daughter who was suffering from leukaemia.
Angus was understandably upset as this journalist was not aware of any facts surrounding his relationship with his children and didn’t seem to want to know the facts as he had a juicy story to report.
For the record, these are the facts in very short form.
Anne (Angus’ ex wife) abandoned her young children for another man leaving Angus to care for them and keep a roof over their head. He spent many months juggling his work and the children to ensure that everyone was kept happy. Let’s be clear that Anne never gave Angus a penny for their children’s welfare, as she was far too busy with her new beau, she also never worked. She was even quoted as saying that she had spent a lot of the marriage putting money away into a bank account in her own name obviously planning her secret life. After a time, when Anne’s new relationship soured, she decided that she wanted her children back and there ensued a very long and heartbreaking custody battle. Anne “won” the children plus a very large divorce settlement which enabled her to purchase a house without a mortgage. This, however, wasn’t good enough for her. When Angus picked himself up after losing the two most important things in his life, he embarked on new relationships. Anne didn’t like this and spent many years using their two children as pawns in her battle to get to Angus and to ensure that these relationships were soured by her. She would tell the children that Angus didn’t pay her anything and he used to have to prove to the children that he did by showing them bank statements, this when they were not even teenagers.
When I met Angus, he was going through yet another difficult time with Anne and the kids and had not seen his son for many months, his daughter would come around to the house but we suspected this was just to report back to mother on who I was. We had many conversations with her about whether we had bought something together or whether I had brought it into the relationship and found her looking in cupboards and drawers in places where she had no reason to look.
About 5 years ago, we received a letter from Anne through the front door telling us that if Angus didn’t pay her more money that she would take the children off the island and that he wouldn’t see them again. We were constantly being assessed by the CSA due to Anne reporting that Angus wasn’t declaring all his income. At one point we had a meeting with CSA representatives who produced a file with newspaper clippings of Angus that Anne had sent to them. She was determined that she was going to get her pound of flesh and more.
Angus would not pay Anne more and at the end of that summer, she left with the children and we have not seen them since but have had to involve the police to stop Anne sending offensive and threatening e-mails to us.
Angus’ daughter has had many mishaps, one in particular where she hurt herself on a trampoline whilst on a visit back to the Islands and she reported her next of kin as being a friend of Anne’s even though we were only down the road.
Angus’ daughter was diagnosed with leukaemia in December 2007. We were told this by Angus’ parents, third hand. Anne had not advised Angus that his daughter was sick let alone how sick she was. The night that we found out about her, we telephoned the hospital and left messages on the ward, on the telephone in the room and at the hospital main reception. At around midnight we received a call from Anne telling Angus that if he wanted to know anything about his daughter’s condition that she would let me know so that I could tell him. I have never received any correspondence from her since. Our only network is through Angus’ ageing parents who receive sporadic telephone calls from his children with very sparse and contradictory information.
Only last Friday, the same day that the reporter from the Sunday Mail called, Angus’ son called his grandmother in an absolute state because it was apparent that his daughter who was in Raigmore for treatment needed an urgent blood transfusion and that Anne was refusing to take her down to Yorkhill for the treatment. Angus’ son told his grandmother than Anne was having a “shouting match” with the medical professionals at Raigmore.
Let’s be clear that Angus’ son is now 18 and in full time employment, his ex wife has qualified as a social worker and walked away with an enormous sum of cash following her divorce. Angus’ son says in the Sunday Mail report that Angus should be paying £800 per month towards their upkeep. I suggest that anyone who is interested, look up the CSA calculator and work out how much Angus would have to earn to pay this sum of money for his children. This is as well as paying for the upkeep of his three other children.
I know the state of our finances. I know that Angus pays money for his first two childrens’ upkeep every single month without fail. I know that the CSA screwed up on an assessment which they have now admitted to and wanted a share of everything we had including our working families tax credit which we only receive to help us pay for our childrens’ nursery. I know that they wanted Angus to attend a meeting on the mainland the same week as our last baby was born and when he said that it was inconvenient due to the fact that we had just had a baby the CSA went ahead and made a punitive assessment which has now been withdrawn following appeal. I work full-time, only having time off when my children are sick or their school / nursery is closed and even then I try to find alternative childcare arrangements. All our children spent most of the summer in childcare so that I could work. This is not something I would do if I didn’t have to and not something that I choose or want to do. I would love to see more of my children but I have to work to pay the bills including to help pay the money that Anne still receives from Angus.
The report in the Sunday Mail is disgraceful but even more disgusting is that Angus’ children are still being used as pawns by their mother to try to make Angus look bad. Anyone who remembers Angus during the time that he was on his own with his first two children remember a father who could not do enough for his kids that still holds true and I know that even though he has been rejected by his first family he would willingly welcome them back into his life with open arms and no explanations. I too know that he loves all his children and would never hurt them. The events of the last 10 or so years have hurt him, as they would any caring parent. Unfortunately this situation is not unusual when two people split leaving children who end up being the victims and being used as weapons. When there is one vindictive parent, determined to ensure that everyone is as unhappy as they are, these situations continue until there is nothing left to fight about.
What no-one seems to care or understand is the hurt it is also causing the second family namely me and my three beautiful children. I don’t want sympathy or even a pat on the back just some consideration for how this affects us and how it makes me want to take them away from it all which would cause even more hurt and pain.
I wish Angus’ daughter well, I wish we knew more about her condition and I wish we were allowed to help more but constant telephone calls and enquiries with both Raigmore and Yorkhill have been met with stony silence. The best we get asked is if we want to speak to mum and I think we all know the answer to that one.
I am Mrs N, the second wife of Angus and mother of 3 of his children the eldest of which is 5. Even though we have such a young family, our daughter having just turned 1, I have had 3 weeks total “maternity leave” with the last two children and 10 months with the first. The only reason I had so long with our eldest is because he was born with a potentially fatal heart defect which required open heart surgery when he was just 8 weeks old. He has recovered wonderfully well and anyone who knows him would never believe what a difficult start he had in life.
Last Friday afternoon, I came into the office and found my husband, Angus, extremely upset. He had just received a telephone call from a journalist (the same one who was trying to stir trouble regarding his blog about a gay politician – could there be a link?) to say that he had received a call from Angus’ ex wife saying that he owed £52,000 to the CSA and had “not bothered” to see his sick daughter who was suffering from leukaemia.
Angus was understandably upset as this journalist was not aware of any facts surrounding his relationship with his children and didn’t seem to want to know the facts as he had a juicy story to report.
For the record, these are the facts in very short form.
Anne (Angus’ ex wife) abandoned her young children for another man leaving Angus to care for them and keep a roof over their head. He spent many months juggling his work and the children to ensure that everyone was kept happy. Let’s be clear that Anne never gave Angus a penny for their children’s welfare, as she was far too busy with her new beau, she also never worked. She was even quoted as saying that she had spent a lot of the marriage putting money away into a bank account in her own name obviously planning her secret life. After a time, when Anne’s new relationship soured, she decided that she wanted her children back and there ensued a very long and heartbreaking custody battle. Anne “won” the children plus a very large divorce settlement which enabled her to purchase a house without a mortgage. This, however, wasn’t good enough for her. When Angus picked himself up after losing the two most important things in his life, he embarked on new relationships. Anne didn’t like this and spent many years using their two children as pawns in her battle to get to Angus and to ensure that these relationships were soured by her. She would tell the children that Angus didn’t pay her anything and he used to have to prove to the children that he did by showing them bank statements, this when they were not even teenagers.
When I met Angus, he was going through yet another difficult time with Anne and the kids and had not seen his son for many months, his daughter would come around to the house but we suspected this was just to report back to mother on who I was. We had many conversations with her about whether we had bought something together or whether I had brought it into the relationship and found her looking in cupboards and drawers in places where she had no reason to look.
About 5 years ago, we received a letter from Anne through the front door telling us that if Angus didn’t pay her more money that she would take the children off the island and that he wouldn’t see them again. We were constantly being assessed by the CSA due to Anne reporting that Angus wasn’t declaring all his income. At one point we had a meeting with CSA representatives who produced a file with newspaper clippings of Angus that Anne had sent to them. She was determined that she was going to get her pound of flesh and more.
Angus would not pay Anne more and at the end of that summer, she left with the children and we have not seen them since but have had to involve the police to stop Anne sending offensive and threatening e-mails to us.
Angus’ daughter has had many mishaps, one in particular where she hurt herself on a trampoline whilst on a visit back to the Islands and she reported her next of kin as being a friend of Anne’s even though we were only down the road.
Angus’ daughter was diagnosed with leukaemia in December 2007. We were told this by Angus’ parents, third hand. Anne had not advised Angus that his daughter was sick let alone how sick she was. The night that we found out about her, we telephoned the hospital and left messages on the ward, on the telephone in the room and at the hospital main reception. At around midnight we received a call from Anne telling Angus that if he wanted to know anything about his daughter’s condition that she would let me know so that I could tell him. I have never received any correspondence from her since. Our only network is through Angus’ ageing parents who receive sporadic telephone calls from his children with very sparse and contradictory information.
Only last Friday, the same day that the reporter from the Sunday Mail called, Angus’ son called his grandmother in an absolute state because it was apparent that his daughter who was in Raigmore for treatment needed an urgent blood transfusion and that Anne was refusing to take her down to Yorkhill for the treatment. Angus’ son told his grandmother than Anne was having a “shouting match” with the medical professionals at Raigmore.
Let’s be clear that Angus’ son is now 18 and in full time employment, his ex wife has qualified as a social worker and walked away with an enormous sum of cash following her divorce. Angus’ son says in the Sunday Mail report that Angus should be paying £800 per month towards their upkeep. I suggest that anyone who is interested, look up the CSA calculator and work out how much Angus would have to earn to pay this sum of money for his children. This is as well as paying for the upkeep of his three other children.
I know the state of our finances. I know that Angus pays money for his first two childrens’ upkeep every single month without fail. I know that the CSA screwed up on an assessment which they have now admitted to and wanted a share of everything we had including our working families tax credit which we only receive to help us pay for our childrens’ nursery. I know that they wanted Angus to attend a meeting on the mainland the same week as our last baby was born and when he said that it was inconvenient due to the fact that we had just had a baby the CSA went ahead and made a punitive assessment which has now been withdrawn following appeal. I work full-time, only having time off when my children are sick or their school / nursery is closed and even then I try to find alternative childcare arrangements. All our children spent most of the summer in childcare so that I could work. This is not something I would do if I didn’t have to and not something that I choose or want to do. I would love to see more of my children but I have to work to pay the bills including to help pay the money that Anne still receives from Angus.
The report in the Sunday Mail is disgraceful but even more disgusting is that Angus’ children are still being used as pawns by their mother to try to make Angus look bad. Anyone who remembers Angus during the time that he was on his own with his first two children remember a father who could not do enough for his kids that still holds true and I know that even though he has been rejected by his first family he would willingly welcome them back into his life with open arms and no explanations. I too know that he loves all his children and would never hurt them. The events of the last 10 or so years have hurt him, as they would any caring parent. Unfortunately this situation is not unusual when two people split leaving children who end up being the victims and being used as weapons. When there is one vindictive parent, determined to ensure that everyone is as unhappy as they are, these situations continue until there is nothing left to fight about.
What no-one seems to care or understand is the hurt it is also causing the second family namely me and my three beautiful children. I don’t want sympathy or even a pat on the back just some consideration for how this affects us and how it makes me want to take them away from it all which would cause even more hurt and pain.
I wish Angus’ daughter well, I wish we knew more about her condition and I wish we were allowed to help more but constant telephone calls and enquiries with both Raigmore and Yorkhill have been met with stony silence. The best we get asked is if we want to speak to mum and I think we all know the answer to that one.
18 comments:
My sympathies. A resident of the street I lived in previously was the victim of a - very incorrect - financial smear in a national newspaper.
People unaware of the truth, who believed the "story", gave him a hard time. He hung himself a few weeks later.
No mention of his suicide in the newspaper. No apology. Being dead, he couldn't sue. The newspapers - literally - got their pound of flesh.
Though the shame is arguably with the stupid masses who buy the newspapers and believe every word in them. The mass media run this country. Not the government.
Which is a main reason why I'm looking forward to emigrating in a few years time to a more intelligent society. No other country - not even the US - has a media so out of control, with the ability to destroy lives without comeback, such as ours.
DLTBGYD.
Life can be pretty tough sometimes. I hope you get fair play and understanding and that you and your young family can move on from this situation.
All the best
Murdo
My sympathy too, but I hope lessons will be learned and you will all remember this time and the awful hurt others have suffered as a result of previous postings!
It's your own bloody fault for running this blog! You deserve all the hassle and more.
Angus: I've often disagreed with you (windfarms etc) but such matters are insignificant compared to this - let me repeat the sympathy of anon 7.35. I've had similar (if not so extreme) difficulties with an ex and the CSA. All the best to you, your wife and all the children, especially your daughter.
My sympathies are with you, especially since the facts are just clearly wrong in the article.
However, I hope it might make you think again before smearing others - we are all up for some lively debate on local/international stories but it realy doesn't have to get personal. Keep up the blog, but keep it clean, and forget your own petty issues.
It's your own bloody fault for running this blog!
Yes, it's really bad all these people who exercise freedom of speech, they should all get cancer or AIDS or worse! I totally agree with you!
my sympathy Angus
But I wonder if Charles Lavery was in some dodgy areas of Sri Lanka when he should have been covering the Commonwealth games?
you're better than him
my sympathy Angus
But I wonder if Charles Lavery was in some dodgy areas of Sri Lanka when he should have been covering the Commonwealth games?
you're better than him
S + Angus, as you know full well i didn't know half of this stuff about anne. She really is an evil little @#%^&* isn't she?
Nobody is perfect Angus so why does this blog come off as a little onesided?
Being a senior Social Worker, I am quite concerned that this person is apparently a social worker themselves.
This is not the behaviour that we expect from staff as they are expected to uphold their professionalism in both their personal and professional lives.
As with any profession, one is expected to apply what they have learned in their training at all times.
I am so concerned that I am going to make some enquiries about this person and assess their suitability for their position.
Not being a Social Worker I'm concerned that a 'Senior Social Worker' is prepared to form an opinion (9.55am) without consulting all sides. A lot of heartache expressed here but it does appear a bit one-sided.
"Anon 9.55"
All that is clear from this entry is that you are not a snr SW and quite possibly a real numpty! Find a real SW and ask them why.
Anon 11:51
What you are saying is that it is acceptable for a social worker to be bigoted, self righteous, jealous, money grabbing, homophobic and racist but it's ok because they are all the same. I think you may be wrong and I think that Mrs Nicolson the 1st may be in trouble.
doesn't the term senior social worker no longer exist?
Yes, the attention may be considered somewhat invited but personally I was quite horrified to log on after an absence and read this post. I am on the other side of a CSA battle (I have sole care and the other parent does not contribute) but still would not fancy having my dirty laundry broadcast to the world. I am sorry you have had to share private info with (mostly) anonymous forum lurkers.
Don't leave it too long between posts! As a one-time resident of the Islands who now lives (not by choice :( on the other side of the world your blog has often been a lifeline to the blether I miss so much.
sb
i think all you have said is very one sided. my mother is still going through the difficulty of a split that happened 5 years ago. i know how people play off against each other to try and look like theyre the best parent. its causing more damage to your children by you leaving this ridiculous blog than the whole expirience will have ever caused for you.
maybe you should sit and think about that rather than wallowing in self pitty.
your daughter is obviously having a rough time if she nas cancer. how would she feel if she had seen this blog!!
Post a Comment