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The truths they don't want you to read....

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

The candidates' final message....

Sheena Norquay: Hello boys, you can call me Ms Nookie. Not you Free Presbyterians though: you'll have me wearing a North Tolsta Burka - bobban socks, wellies and a boiler suit for getting the hens in. But I've got brains too, and I'll be able to use them properly when I get a chance of fighting in a seat where I might save the deposit. Tally-ho!

Oh yes, Don't forget to do the voting thingy, preferably for me.

Murdo Murray: I am only the messenger. It is all bad with the economy, because the Government haven't followed the economic guidance in the Bible. We will all work together, and no matter how earnest I sound I'm not as dour as you might think. I'm on Facebook for goodness sake, where there are lots of pictures you don't want to look at. When I'm not down with the kids, I'm working on engineering solutions for self-sufficiency for the islands, at which I am very good. Pray for me and vote for me, and I'll pray for you. Amen.

Jean Davis: Do you really enjoy Labour and the SNP knocking lumps out of each other? We could lock them both in a small room with only a pointed stick and see who wins. If we sell tickets it could go some way towards solving the budget deficit. Isn't Nick Clegg nice. Poll ratings going up. Second party in Scotland. Isn't Nick Clegg really, really, nice. SNP are irrelevant at Westminster. Who wouldn't want Nick Clegg as a son-in-law? Labour and the SNP are hurling insults about and turning the public off. You must vote for someone different to clean up politics. Mmmmmm, Nick Clegg. He's nice.

DJ MacSween: Rocket range, toblerones, useless, no influence, rocket range, don't mention Orkney. A big new shiny development agency to replace HIE by moving some of HIE from Inverness to Stornoway, add in the Council and the Health Board and it's a winner with all dynamism that the public sector can bring. Toblerones. I'll have major influence as part of the largest opposition group, but I'll plough my own furrow if that is the best course of action. Rocket range saved due to my intervention. Vast experience in local Government that I can bring to bear. Cameron Highlanders. Where was MacNeil when any issue was discussed? Please don't mention Gordon Brown.

Angus MacNeil: I'll fight to stop the SNP Government from thinking about stopping RET, which they aren't, but might, but haven't told me, but if they did I'm your man champion. If you vote Labour you will lose RET. GORDON BROWN, shout it loud. Labour cuts. RET. I saved the rocket range. RET. It's me; the Champion you voted for last time and fixed the weather map for you. There will be fewer volcanoes under an SNP Government. Independence. RET is good for you. Labour will cut everything if you give them a chance. The SNP wouldn't cut anything. Champion the wonder horse. RET is one of your essential 5 a day. Support RET or get Labour cuts under the Tories. Champion.


Whatever you do, go out and vote on Thursday, even if you have to hold your nose when you do so.  Then - and only then - will you have the right to complain about the Government and whoever is our MP.

Candidates: if you get 30% of the electorate supporting you, you are doing well.  Never forget that 70% didn't support you.


Thanks to all who helped writing this post.


Anonymous said...

Was a bottle of wine sunk before scripting this post?

Anonymous said...

Stick to the day job!