Pre-Budget Report
The economy is doing worse than expected. Belts need to be tightened. All the fault of the sub-prime market crash in the US. Still the best performing high-tech economy based on an island of the west coast of Europe. That doesn't begin with "I" obviously. Don't mention the mess left to me by the previous Chancellor. Re-announce a few cuts in taxes. Again. And again.
Squeeze not our fault. Certainly nothing to do with ex-Chancellor allowing credit to run riot. Need to pull rabbits from hat. Not look like rabbit in the headlights.
Inheritance tax. Offer meaningless rise in thresholds. Forget I used to oppose such a rise. As did GB. Negligible cost as very few couples will be affected significantly.
Rubbish Tories plans on non-doms. Announce intention to introduce a slightly higher tax on non-doms. Eventually. If they stay in the UK for seven years. Will affect none of our friends. And raise very little.
Remove taper relief to increase tax on private equity companies. And small businessmen. Don't mention that short-term investors and buy-to-lets are winners. Dress up as 'equality' when actually benefits the vast majority of the rich by reducing their tax rate on gains from 40% to 18%.
Ignore Lib-Dems. Steal their idea on taxing flights. Our idea to show our green credentials.
Cross fingers. Hope economy continues to grow and nothing else goes wrong.
Squeeze not our fault. Certainly nothing to do with ex-Chancellor allowing credit to run riot. Need to pull rabbits from hat. Not look like rabbit in the headlights.
Inheritance tax. Offer meaningless rise in thresholds. Forget I used to oppose such a rise. As did GB. Negligible cost as very few couples will be affected significantly.
Rubbish Tories plans on non-doms. Announce intention to introduce a slightly higher tax on non-doms. Eventually. If they stay in the UK for seven years. Will affect none of our friends. And raise very little.
Remove taper relief to increase tax on private equity companies. And small businessmen. Don't mention that short-term investors and buy-to-lets are winners. Dress up as 'equality' when actually benefits the vast majority of the rich by reducing their tax rate on gains from 40% to 18%.
Ignore Lib-Dems. Steal their idea on taxing flights. Our idea to show our green credentials.
Cross fingers. Hope economy continues to grow and nothing else goes wrong.
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