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The truths they don't want you to read....

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Substance abuse

drinking rugby Stornoway BlairgowrieSubstance abuse in the Western Isles is not as prevalent as in the rest of the UK, and certainly does not have the same level of sophistication, and je ne sais quoi of the mainland.

So it proved last night.

We walked into a newly refurbished bar in the town centre and saw the rolled-up fivers. An immediate give away.

And then the white powder* on the bar counter, in full view of the bar staff. Shock, horror!

And the crushed limes. Limes?

As we entered, some members of the visiting rugby club were drinking tequila (or it could have been vodka or gin, or possible even water, but I very much doubt the latter), snorting the salt [for it was nothing more than salt that was the white powder on the counter and not any other substance, licit or illicit**] and squeezing the lime into their eyes. Or possibly snorting the limes and putting the salt into their eyes. Or any permutations based on the above, as long as the alcohol went into the mouth.

We watched in awe as their capacity for drinks was tested to the limit. Glancing at the multiple TV screens showing a Laurel & Hardy film only exacerbated the sense of surrealness which was only broken by the Captain organising the teams into a pub crawl for later - "Right, in case you get lost, it is the Crown, the Clachan, MacNeils and then the (deleted) Whalers" - which is of course absolutely no use to a the visitors who hadn't the faintest idea where they were. Or what day it was. We mentally ticked off the list, finished our drinks and moved to an establishment not on the list.

With no Sunday ferries, they are probably starting the Sunday pub crawl as I write, and I would recommend that those of a sensitive disposition avoid the ferry tomorrow morning.

* 18/2 See clarification in case anyone misses the supposed humour
** They may be big nutters, but they don't let any other substances impede with the serious business of drinking. Had it been anything else, then the bar staff would certainly have ejected the individuals.

I have not been threatened by the boys from the Stornoway RFC. They are lovely lads, and drink nothing more than black tea in china cups, especially when their wives aren't looking. And I may need access to 6 Nations tickets at some point.


Anonymous said...

Always suspicious of rugby players. All the bellowing and drinking and other testosterone-evident behaviour seems to go overboard on desperately showing how "manly" they are.

Which is odd, as the game itself has homo-erotic overtones (even without the usual jokes about oddly-shaped balls). Getting in a scrum, closely hugging, collapsing on top of another man, grabbing hold of other men as they try and run past, then having a big ol' communal nude-o-rama bath afterwards. Hmmm.

Not, of course, saying that Rugby is the sport of choice for men "in the closet". But, well, think about it objectively.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps they drank until dawn and then headed for Leverburgh and went home via Skye on the Sunday?

Anonymous said...

Ah Rugby, a game for hooligans played by Gentlemen, where as football is a game for Gentlemen played by Hooligans.

Anonymous said...

I hope those disclaimers added later weren't because someone else was daft enough / lacking in sense of humour enough not to understand that you weren't saying or implying there was drug taking.

Angus said...

Sadly, that is precisely the reason.