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The truths they don't want you to read....

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The election addresses

I received the balance of the election addresses today, along with my postal vote. Decisions, decisions. Here's my (maximum of) ten word summary of each election address, in no particular order.

Tory (constituency): I'm nice. Who is Thatcher? Help save my deposit.
Tory (list): Vote Tory, or it is your fault.
LibDem (constituency): I'm local and not called Alasdair. We ran the Executive.
Scottish Socialist (list): We promise utopia. Tommy Sheridan is a b@$tard.
UKIP (list): Europe is BAD.
Solidarity (list): Comrades: suntans and utopia. Down with the running-dogs of capitalism.
Labour (list): We can cure cancer. *
SNP (Constituency): Don't mention any policies.
Labour (Constituency): If it wasn't for me the sun wouldn't shine every day.
SNP (list): What good are policies when you have a personality cult?
Green (Constituency): Idealistic and anti-globalisation.
LibDem (list): No, really, we did run the Executive.
Scottish Christian Party (list): The future is the past. Working mums go home.
BNP (list): Would be cuddly skinheads.
Senior Citizens (list): Make life better for pensioners. Don't ask who's paying.

* This is genuinely what they are implying. Labour claim that the smoking ban is their first stage of a plan to cure cancer. And we thought that they were just politicians.


Anonymous said...

very good big bro - little sis

Anonymous said...

So Angus a question :- if SNP get in next week, have their referendum in 2010 (or whenever) and the great Scottish public say no thanks what happens to them then? do they change their name ?

Anonymous said...

Anon 2: Then the great Scottish Public would be wrong and Mr. Salmond will keep asking the same question until he gets the answer that he wants.
It will be like an Alasdair Allan referendum; only ask those people who you know will give you the answer that you want and ignore the rest.
Have no fear though that "Alex Salmond for First Minister" will likely be the title of the next Scottish national anthem.

Anonymous said...

like the way that you interspersed lab and SNP ... was that deliberate?

Anonymous said...

At the next election, we definitely need some prettier politicians. See what the choices are in France? See what they are here?